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HOLIMOUNT2

Age 30, Male

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Costa Rica

Joined on 7/4/12

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Litterature work

Posted by HOLIMOUNT2 - July 9th, 2012


lol im not exactly a writter guys and i know reading is boring but please if you have some free time check out my little short story i made wish by the way i think of illustrating http://eichh-emmm.deviantart.com/#/d56mbnx

Litterature work


Comments

oh no you didn't used a "it was a dark and stormy night " really that is almost like "somewhere in far far away place many years ago" come on!. Ok but im gonna kept going at least i hope is not a romance story but for a guy i'm following for his eh adult drawings, it is unlikely. A recommendation check the description of the helm of the guy because it killed the tempo of distress when you try to excuse the "scary appearance" , i see some jokes there while he talks to the corpse but sarcasm fails if the guy you are mocking is already dead, and now he crays with nostalgia oh well we can understand his last moments and all..., wait the crazy hoe was a magical crazy hoe? and one who was right to top it of? how unusual normally they end dead pass the portal o well magical helms. But men... due to the nature of the majority of your work don't you think your audience has already see this a little bit too much i mean nothing new there, oh that is well lets go mainstream and dish out the other things, in fantasy tales the protagonist's best friend never appears to save his ass and they even won the war, but i have to give you that it surprises me this story is Not being so pink.

alright now for some real feed back: what a piece of sh nah nah that won't do lets see i said real feed back, a guy that has a magical armor capable of allowing him to kill 500 savage soldiers and to rip off spines yeah that's impressive if it wasn't the men inside succumbs as he longs for little girls to appear and save him that character profile just got messy, but this is real feed back if one guy is the man or not, doesn't matter because that can be a trait in it self having a weak will, so lets get technical when a character makes a statement use quotation marks "" instead of the slash, that gets more noticeable and important in the conversation between the two dudes at the end. Next and i might should have said this before but o well, for a guy seeking someone to chat he could at least greet the cadaver that would add a lot of character to a mad man instead of him just busting and start remembering for better times.

i have to confess i underestimated the quality of what i could encounter, so i click a couple of links when you reveal that this is the prequel of the profile of a strict father, men this story is lame if that is how it goes that dude simon needs a better alivi than tha

lol dude thats unexpected?

but its all cool hahaha thanks for the feedback man hahahah i love stuff like this it helps you make something better